My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
