R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
