i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
