God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize