Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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