just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
