Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
