He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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