He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
