Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Randomize
