I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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