Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The Olympian is in my bed
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
