mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
