Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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