I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
