Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
