That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
