as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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