My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
