i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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