How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
