Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
