No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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