Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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