Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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