My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
