I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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