I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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