So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
