we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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