You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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