If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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