There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize