You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
