Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
