all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
