whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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