I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
