I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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