Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
