I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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