I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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