I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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