I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
