then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
