Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
