Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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