paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
