I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
True strength comes from lack of pants
We need to get me chipped asap
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
