My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
