He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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