i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
