you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
