Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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