I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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