Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
