we have officially lost it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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