Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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