I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
