Swine flu. Run for my life!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
