nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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