I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
