Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
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So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
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Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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