My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
if only i could text you this smell
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
