i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
