Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
