There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
