FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
